Why you are boring - (and what to do about it)
The secret to cultivating a captivating presence, influencing people and kicking ass in life.
The secret no one wants to tell you
When you are talking to people do they ever suddenly get a glazed look in their eye as they stare off into the distance?
Do they suddenly reach for their phone and start scrolling TikTok?
Or do you ever get the sense that they just don't want to pay attention or listen?
You are missing out on life
Chances are that they are very bored - and that YOU are boring them.
If you are like most people, then your communication style is simply not effective.
Missing this crucial skill will completely sabotage your life.
Think of all the missed relationships, friendships and business deals - opportunities that will never come again!
How I started out
Growing up I loved playing computer games and I was very good at it, but when it came to socializing I was completely clueless.
I mostly stayed away from others retreating to my room with the safety of a computer screen between me and other people.
But something felt very wrong, like a silent gnawing eating away my soul. Each day I was dying a bit inside.
One day one of my best friends Noah told me that I should try improv theater.
Noah had used to be a nerd like me, but he had turned his life around and was now leading workshops - charismatically as a coach and teacher.
My self improvement journey and what I learned
I trusted his advice more than anyone else and I made a decision that I would work on my social skills - no matter what.
I moved to Stockholm and enrolled in 3 improv theater courses, and also started public speaking and dancing all at once.
I was terrible and each day I struggled. My legs would shake and I would sometimes freeze on stage - unable to speak.
But I kept going and each day I learned and got a little bit better.
It was in the public speaking class that I first met Samuel. He was an opera singer who also did public speaking. This is when I first started learning about the power of the voice.
Samuel could spellbind and captivate a room with his voice alone - it didn't matter what he said. It all sounded good.
Years later I had done countless acting courses and performances. I had worked myself up to be an acting teacher and I was also in acting school.
Our director told us that the voice is one of the most important instruments of an actor and that you must practice it every day.
I still didn't listen.
How I finally started improving
It was not until my voice completely failed me and I was unable to speak that I finally decided that I had to take action and work on my voice.
I started going to a voice trainer, started singing at home and joined online voice calls to practice regularly.
Day by day my voice got stronger, more powerful and resonant. Leading groups and capturing their attention became easier.
People started listening and became more interested in what I had to say.
The reason I am telling you this is so you DON'T DO WHAT I DID.
Don't wait until you have a full blown life crisis to finally work on your voice - and become the most charismatic version of yourself.
The Science Behind Boring
Why do people find others boring?
Research shows that boring people share common traits:
1. Monotone Voice
- Same pitch throughout
- No variation in volume
- Flat emotional expression
- Predictable rhythm
2. Poor Body Language
- Minimal gestures
- Closed posture
- Lack of eye contact
- Nervous fidgeting
3. Low Energy
- Tired appearance
- Slow movements
- Lack of enthusiasm
- Drained presence
4. Predictable Content
- Same topics repeatedly
- No personal stories
- Lack of passion
- Generic responses
The Charisma Formula
Charisma isn't magic. It's a formula:
Charisma = Energy + Expression + Engagement
Energy
Your internal state affects everything:
- How you feel inside shows outside
- High energy is contagious
- Low energy repels people
- Energy can be cultivated
Expression
How you communicate your energy:
- Facial expressions
- Voice variation
- Body language
- Gesture dynamics
Engagement
How you connect with others:
- Active listening
- Genuine interest
- Emotional resonance
- Shared experiences
The Voice Transformation
Your voice is your most powerful tool for transformation.
Here's what happens when you develop your voice:
Before Voice Training:
- People interrupt you
- Others seem distracted
- You feel ignored
- Conversations die quickly
After Voice Training:
- People hang on your words
- Others seek you out
- You command attention
- Conversations flow naturally
The 5-Step Voice Transformation
Step 1: Awareness (Week 1)
Record yourself speaking for 5 minutes daily.
Listen back and notice:
- Pitch patterns
- Volume variations
- Speed changes
- Emotional range
Step 2: Breathing (Week 2)
Master diaphragmatic breathing:
- Breathe from your belly, not chest
- Practice breath support exercises
- Extend your breath capacity
- Control your airflow
Step 3: Resonance (Week 3)
Develop your chest voice:
- Hum at different pitches
- Feel vibrations in your chest
- Practice projecting from your core
- Eliminate nasal quality
Step 4: Variation (Week 4)
Add dynamic range:
- Practice pitch changes
- Vary your volume
- Change your speed
- Express different emotions
Step 5: Integration (Week 5+)
Use in real conversations:
- Apply techniques naturally
- Get feedback from others
- Adjust based on responses
- Build confidence gradually
How you can instantly become more charismatic
The fastest way to become more charismatic is to work on your voice in a group setting.
Here's what happens in voice training:
Immediate Benefits:
- Increased confidence
- Better breath control
- Stronger projection
- More expressive range
Long-term Transformation:
- Captivating presence
- Natural leadership
- Deeper connections
- Greater influence
The Practice Routine
Daily (10 minutes):
- Vocal warm-ups
- Breathing exercises
- Pitch variation practice
- Emotional expression work
Weekly (1 hour):
- Record and review sessions
- Practice with others
- Get feedback
- Set new goals
Monthly:
- Assess progress
- Adjust techniques
- Celebrate improvements
- Plan next phase
Common Obstacles
"I don't have time"
Solution: Start with 5 minutes daily"I feel silly practicing"
Solution: Everyone feels awkward at first"I don't see results"
Solution: Record yourself to track progress"People will think I'm fake"
Solution: Authenticity comes through practiceThe Compound Effect
Small daily improvements compound over time:
Day 1: Slight awareness increaseWeek 1: Noticeable breath improvementMonth 1: Friends comment on changesMonth 3: Strangers respond differentlyMonth 6: Natural charismatic presenceYear 1: Complete transformation
Your Next Action
Don't wait for the perfect moment.
Start today with this simple exercise:
1. Record yourself reading this newsletter aloud
2. Listen back and identify one area to improve
3. Practice that one element for 5 minutes
4. Record again and notice the difference
5. Repeat daily for one week
The Choice
You have two options:
Option 1: Stay boring
- Continue being ignored
- Miss opportunities
- Feel frustrated
- Wonder "what if"
Option 2: Transform yourself
- Captivate people's attention
- Create opportunities
- Feel confident
- Live fully
The choice is yours.
But remember: every day you wait is another day of missed connections and lost opportunities.
The Promise
If you commit to working on your voice for just 30 days, I guarantee you'll see a transformation.
Not just in how you sound, but in:
- How people respond to you
- How confident you feel
- How much you enjoy conversations
- How much impact you have
Your Journey Starts Now
Don't wait until you have a crisis like I did.
Start working on your voice today.
Join others who are on the same journey.
Transform from boring to captivating.
Your future self will thank you.
Ready to stop being boring and start being captivating? Join my newsletter for practical voice training techniques and transformation strategies.